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A man is haunted after burning down a forest.

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A man dies and finds himself in an asylum.

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What's better than a comedy about an unhinged woman, kidnapping a man with dementia, bestiality, friends, family and the tribulations of relationships? A book about all of those things set in Yorkshire of course! Jenna Jaghe, an unmarried bridal shop owner, has spent the best part of the last year attempting to conform to the 50’s good housewife guide that has been rammed down her throat by her uppity boyfriend, James Flannigan and his bourgeois mother. Her Saturday evening’s have been reduced to sitting correctly, surrounded by an ensemble of the Flannigan’s uptight dinner guests, at one of their ostentatious dinner parties, donning a Mrs Flannigan pre-approved two-piece with matching pearl accessories. Which is precisely why one night at a social convention, Jenna Jaghe comes spectacularly undone. Her life will never be quite the same again. Follow Jenna Jaghe on her quest to take her life back. The only problem is life has more than a few surprises in store for her. Will Jenna find what it takes to get her life back on track or will she end up sectioned with her best friend’s murderess mother? It is definitely hit and miss bu...

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Wine o’clock – Best night ever again until it no longer was. Sod off James – the millstone around my neck – was the general consensus amongst mi mates and it didn’t take much coercing for me to adopt their way of thinking (well deindividuation is a real problem amongst group members) and on that note I cannot really be held responsible for the catastrophe that happened next. So after telling James to simmer darn when he reprimanded me again for going OTT during happy hour, and after being urged to sup it darn by mi mates, I started to loosen up; that is I found the girl that had been stifled for the last year. I guess it’s on a par with an animal that has been locked up for way too long and is then released into the wild. My skirt hitched up to my boobs as I dared to show some leg (because even if I do say so myself I have a lovely set of pins), my sensible, scissor sharp hair ruffled into a messy doo by Sarah who had used the greying, cracked block of soap from the loo to give it ‘some oomph’, my blouse unbuttoned, again by Sarah, to reveal my pert D cups, I was getting back to me. I was having the best time. Flannigan’s attempt...

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Editor’s note: Dexter Dietz, the Chuckwalla Reveille's owner and publisher, remains under federal witness protection while awaiting the unlikely but hoped for trial in the Hague of Sudanese president Omar al-Bashir. I first met Dietz in San Francisco’s Haight, after knocking on an apartment door with the inscription “Only the illusion doesn’t deceive." He later became involved in shadowy transactions involving weapons transfers in Southern Sudan. Returning to the States, he sought a quiet enterprise that would print easy money. The Chuckwalla Reveille, the weekly in a tiny desert town, had a small but steady trade with several real estate brokers and a car dealership. Dietz had no interest in reporting or editing but these matters are easily hired out. He led a retired life until FBI agents took him into protective custody. I was sitting at the bar at the Merchants’ and Millionaires’ when Dexter rang. Could I come to Imperial County to guard his interests? I was at liberty, having just been fired for insubordination from a metro daily. I agreed to take the reins in Chuckwalla until the al-Bashir indictment is resolved....

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Leaders in Motion A regular Reveille feature profiling vanguard personalities in the Tri-Desert area. This week we catch up with 17-year-old Boy Scout first class Henry Pipps, the highest ranking scout in Troop 354 and a senior at Chuckwalla High. Reveille: You were shot recently. Pipps: “Not the first time. What happened, I was working on a community service project by helping Bert (Bertinelli) at the Chamber of Commerce with a promotion for the Convergence Center. I had to dress up like a Martian and walk into town to meet up with Mayor Crane. Bert wanted the whole troop but he only had one costume. Anyhow, I’m coming up out of the culvert over near Via Bienvenidos and I’m testing out this electronic horn that Bert gave me when ka-boom, two dove hunters open up on me.” Reveille: Bird shot? Pipps. “I got peppered in the back. Nothing serious. Last year I was shot through the hand with a .22 during the Scout Expo in Big Moccasin. See.” Reveille: I’ve heard you scouts have an interest in firearms. Pipps: “We have our own range on Scorpion Peak. We’re interested in the original scouting idea of General Baden Pow...

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A group of old gay, college friends get together in a rural cabin for a weekend of wine, memories, choreographed dance routines, pot roast, cookies, sex, and conflict....

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Peaches finally emerged from the kitchen carrying a large platter covered by a metal cloche. "Dinner is now available for you to consume right now," he whispered airily. "I can't wait!" Rod exclaimed excitedly. "You will not have to wait for your dinner for I have it my hands in front of you," Peaches said softly. With that he lifted the cloche. The people at the table stared at the platter in shock. "Are those cookies?" Tugger said weakly. "And are they shaped like penises?" Rod gasped. "Oh my," Marc sighed....

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A collection of jokes.

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Amuzaj Rakontoj. Jen - pri duviva kato, pri nigra mono, pri hontdevanta fierulo, pri trinkaĵoj por varmega tago, pri strangaj procesioj, pri direktoro sendirekta, pri efikoj de blovado, pri profeto kaj profito, pri flugtrejnado de anĝeloj, pri vojaĝo al Esperantopolo....

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Ŝtopilo estis la nomo de la ĥemiinstruisto. Memkompreneble jen ne lia ĝusta nomo, sed tio ne speciale interesu. Ĉiuj nomis lin Ŝtopilo, iam eĉ li sin mem. Ŝtopilo estis iomete dikeca bonhumora fraŭlo. Li certe jam estis pasinta sian vivan apogeon kaj fakte laŭ la firma opinio de la plimulto de siaj klasanoj li estis tute senseksa. Pro tio eble kelkaj krizaj butonoj de lia pantalonfendo regule troviĝis en malfermita stato, fenomeno, kiu estis interrompita nur dum la mallonga periodo, kiam oni eksperimente kaj ege tro kuraĝe dungis la solan instruistinon en la centjara tradicio de tiu katolika knaba lernejo, regata de ordeno de monaĥoj. Ŝi instruu pentradon, kio tuj eklanĉis rimarkindan populariĝon de tiu aliokaze tre flanka fako. Dum tiu periodo Ŝtopilo, unu el la malmultaj nemonaĥoj en la instruistaro, eĉ kombis la mizeran reston de sia haro kaj per superhoma peno iel sukcesis eviti makuli sian nekutime rekte aranĝitan kravaton per sia matenmanĝa ovo. Kion sufiĉe multaj tre bedaŭris, tiu virin-eksperimento daŭris nur du semajnojn, ĉar la dungitino estis simple tro bela kaj tro alloga por tia unuseksa medio. Sekve ŝi rapide remalaper...

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La duviva kato Johano Ĉu vi volas konjakon? La lernemulo Ĉe l' Tombejo Tagmeze en Tunizo Ŝtopilo La profeta kurso Golem'o La vojaĝanto

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Te 1966. Indira Gandi je izabrana za premijera Indije, Žorž Pompidu za predsednika Francuske, Bitlsi su harali UK i otkriven je Saturnov mesec Epimetej. Te 1966. Ronald Regan je postao guverner Kalifornije, u Kini je počela kulturna revolucija, Roling Stounsi izdali Paint it Black i rodio sam se ja. Te 1966. Aleksa Lakić je imao šest godina, igrao se na livadi pored kuće obrasle bršljanom i nije ni slutio da sam se ja rodio. Upoznali smo se tek 2010. Došao je kod mene sa dvolitrom rakije i rekao: Dobar dan, ja sam Aleksa Lakić. Želim da ti ispričam jednu priču. Ta njegova priča me je oborila s nogu, ili je to možda uradila rakija koju je doneo? Priču sam pretočio u roman "Kuća obrasla bršljanom". Rakiju sam popio. ...

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Do you often look up from what you are doing and wonder, What if..... I could do something different? It is a game I am sure we all play each day of the week whether we admit it or not. Since the first cave woman wondered what would happen if she had her mate paint on their cave wall, humans have questioned everything that occurs around them. This collection of 999 'What if......?' scenerios are placed in a satirical format that will appeal to the curious nature of anyone. The conjectures are of a diverse nature, are not politically correct and touch on the inherent contradictions of our society, and of being human....

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"Bil je nadvse običajen četrtek. Meglice so si nadele turobne sive plašče. Deževalo je. V takih dneh je Pepeta navadno trgalo po starih kosteh, shujšano betico pa so mu z nadzvočno hitrostjo preletavale depresivne misli tipa mig 29." V pripovedi, ki se dogaja na tej in oni strani življenjske črte, elementi ustvarjajo svojevrstno napetost, dramatičnost, celo humornost in situacijsko komičnost. ...

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What happens when the Bible smashes into The Princess Bride? A thirteen page screenplay is written presenting biblical scenes through slightly modified Princess Bride quotes for the primary purpose of giving NCFCA Open material to interp and perform of course! With wit, humor, and a moral, all wrapped up in a fresh, entertaining package!...

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David - ‘So what happens now?‘ Goliath - ‘We face each other as God intended... sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone. ‘ David - ‘You mean, I'll put down my rock and you'll put down your sword and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people? Goliath - ‘I could kill you now. ‘ David - ‘Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.‘ Goliath - ‘It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.’...

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Bib Koober is a dwarf who wants to be a cop in 1970's Winchester, Virginia. Thanks to a childhood tragedy and a mother who likes to party a little too much, Bib joins with the Hero Squad to take down the forces of evil who want to flood Northern Virginia with a scary new drug called "mofo." "Why is the best novel of 2015 only 53 pages? I want more!" Arold Chig, Omaha Literary Review of Literature "Bib Koober is every dwarf stereotype and shallow cliche come to life and we couldn't be happier." Ape Derf, Little People Digest "Is it just me or is Bib Koober a slight variation of Alzor Scimitoth from 'The Children of Rutherford?' If so, thank you!" Jabs Kikiretrov, Soviet Union Book Monthly of Books "More assplay than a parent playing butt bongos on a toddler. Essential." Prit Mang, Alabama Book Learnin' Club...

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John Smith just died as a comedian but may have been reborn as a prophet of the present moment. Dr Hazel Cole has written a self-help book so good that it might even work on daytime TV presenters. Behind the scenes, billionaire press baron Eric Hayle seems to be pressing all the buttons. But will this mysterious man spoil everything? God only knows. And what happens if you ask 644 professional philosophers about the meaning of life, the universe and everything? Caspar knows because he tried it. The results are included in this edition at no extra cost to you. But knowledge comes with its own price. You will have to put up with some of Caspar's ranting at the universe....

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A satire of the internet bride/girlfriend industry, with an unexpected twist of character and emotional development

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The kid keeps hanging onto Peter’s—Pete to his friends, if he had any—legs, and he won’t go away. “Daddy, Daddy, when we gonna snack time?” Peter, Pete, Daddy, isn’t having any of it. He’s struggling for air. “I don’t know,” wheeze, “later.” Sigh. “Go get some food from your sister.” “She’s eating all the cheese tubies, says I can’t have none.” “Janie, give Little Robbie something to eat.” Gasp. “Don’t starve your brother, please!”...

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Peter Durant is a lonely divorcee, a failed artist and a very negative man. His antics lead him to find that he has lost all his friends and only a change of heart can bring him back to life....

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A few centuries into the future, not much has changed about the basic characteristic of civilization, which is incompetence and boorishness. Wishing to end the world, the angels are left to their own devices by a God more concerned with new prototypes of bigger boobs for the next universe. Ramses, obsessed with hamster love, is selected to be the prophet of doom in a travesty of a selection process and leads humanity after much travail to Heaven. Which, as matters turn out, has been somewhat overrated. And the mysterious intergalactic race of banjo players flees on....

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A young black man is shot down in the streets in a drive-by. But a mistake has been made. Kelly shouldn't have died. So he's returned to Earth?in the body of a young comatose white woman married to a hot looking Latino narc cop. Can Kelly resolve the questions surrounding his death? What will happen to Amire, the woman he loved in his previous life? And, most important, can he resolve his marriage?now that he's a woman named Dagny?to another man? (http://www.graciecmckeever.com)...

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This series is arranged in levels of reading difficulty ranging from 1 to 6. The easiest is level 1, the hardest level 6. All these books are royalty free and can be copied used printed and distributed, scrawled on walls, acted out in plays and told (very slowly) to your pet dog, if you don’t have a dog a cat will do, but hamsters do not listen as they only speak Spanish. They are designed to be easily read on a computer and can be printed on standard A4 size paper (landscape format) There is no bad language or offensive words anywhere in these books....

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" all the paint and the canvas fell on the floor and I sold it for 20,000, never looked back since."

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Levon Monk, a heart-broken drug dealer, suffers an identity crisis after inventing a new strain of psychedelic mushrooms that make him famous on the internet....

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As the drugs take hold, Levon has an out of body experience. His consciousness slowly floats up into the air. He sees the camp shrinking below him. The dog pack barks at the sky as if they can see his soul floating into space. Levon’s mind is transported to a two dimensional universe built entirely out of triangles. He finds himself in a triangular body. He is one of thousands of triangular people interlocked into a great worldwide mosaic. The new Triangle Levon can hear a faint voice speaking to him from back on Earth. It is the voice of his body, lying in the Toronto field. A conversation begins between the two. LEVON’S EARTHLY REMAINS Is this my breakthrough? Is this the answer? The wall of triangles respond in unison. TRIANGLE LEVON The answer is triangles. The world is triangles, from top to bottom. We are all equilateral triangles. Ultimate life satisfaction is achieved by having perfect 60 degree corners. LEVON’S EARTHLY REMAINS I feel nauseous. Did I take too much? TRIANGLE LEVON Symmetry must be maintained. Organization is the great ideal. LEVON’S EARTHLY REMAINS Levon, you still have a bod...

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153 pages. Screenplay format.

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Sarah wanted to escape the city life and her wealthy family. Moving from mainland Australia, she purchased a farm in Tasmania. Persistent, yet green to rural living, the new next door neighbour has her attention and she is out to win his heart in the most embarrassing ways. A family tragedy turns her life upside down and her little farm into spook central. Learn the secrets of the after life; you too may have many freeloaders at your address and not all were once human. Australian author Christine Jones writes for many genres from science fiction fantasy to humor. Though the characters in this book are fictitious, many of the incidents took place and by yours truly. The farm itself is real, right down to every description. I ought to know, I once owned it....

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O Goddess sing of how the Pink House went From being fairly clean to state unkempt. A tale of debauchery, lies and television. A story about booze, drugs, sex, war, money, and burger boxes. A novel about a house. A Pink House that starts off structurally sound and then falls into millions of beautiful pieces....

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Audiobook (Part 1) available - fbthompson3.com What would America look like in 2050, if the liberals ultimately prevail? Pushing discourse down to the same high-sounding, muddled thinking of the geniuses on 'the left;' through vapid, touchy-feely, non-erudite, irrational conclusions and illogical, logical sounding arguments. The book the publishing houses would never let see the light of day....

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The year is 2020 when Professor Felix Schwartz, your typical, garden variety, liberal college professor, steps out in front of a Mack truck and the lights go out. Thirty years pass by, all the while Schwartz remains a walking vegetable and ward of the state. By 2050 the country has gone through some changes thanks to a dramatic shift in the makeup in the country's populace giving liberals (referred to as assclowns, moonbats, goofnads, or asshats) control over Washington. In that thirty years the country becomes the veritable paradise moonbats have long sought to create, but more resembling a third-world, banana republic where English is replaced by twenty-five variations of gang slang, no one gets beyond third grade, rioting and something resembling football with hockey sticks are the national pastimes. There is now a "Forever President," welfare moms have replaced small business, corn is the cornerstone of industry, and people drive around in either battery-powered, bubble cars, or Latino lowriders. While nonthinking, Schwartz is led around on a doggie leash, has become something called a 'pinball,' has names ranging from V...

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Note from Author i Dedication 4 Part One Forward 1 Early Background 2 Current Times 8 A New Day 16 Great Escape 50 Rude Awakening 72 Taste of Metamorphosis 88 The Corn Field 126 Closing Remarks 150 Part Two Opening Dialog 153 NMASA Headquarters 156 Vocal “Reader” is Back 166 Trouble Spotted 175 White Trash Gertrude 185 Back in Waycross 196 Santa Clause FEMA 217 TheTVInterview 228 Glossary 233 Upcoming Books 242 About the Author 245...

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‘Time To Think’ is a collection of eight short tales about how to cope with such things as unwelcome evangelists, visitors, praise, sexual attention, living in a nursing home, relations, genetic modification and sexual urges....

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Spreading the Word Sebastian gazed unseeing from the verandah into the sun filled garden. As usual a zillion thoughts jostled aside all attempts to attain a state of Zen-like relaxation. With an impatient sigh he sat up, dusted a few crumbs from the divan, rearranged the pillows then lay back with his hands at his side. Yogic breathing—that would do the trick. He managed to hold his mind still for at least three seconds before a large spider constructing an intricate web among the rafters caught his attention. He was already on his feet to get a broom when he remembered, and slumped back. ‘Your tendons will never repair if you're always on the go,’ the slim young doctor had snapped only an hour before. ‘Why can’t you just lie back and relax?’ ‘Because it’s not my nature,’ Sebastian had answered with a fetching sigh. ‘Perhaps if you were to massage me...?’ ‘And risk Reginald’s wrath? Not bloody likely.’ ‘Wouldn’t it be worth a broken arm?’ Sebastian grinned. ‘Not even you are worth that, Sebastian. Shut up and let the sounds of nature lull you to somnolence.’ But Sebastian couldn’t. Time plodded. He began to fidget. Struggled to...

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•‘Spreading the Word’ • ‘Time to Think’ • ‘Free Will’ •‘A Misunderstanding’ •‘Useless Things’ • ‘I Arrived a Week Early’ • ‘Poisoned Chalice’ •‘Mens Sana in Corpore Sano’ ...